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Can you love people as they are?

by Bruno Deshayes on 25 May 2017 permalink
One of the fastest ways to ruin a relationship is to relentlessly try to change somebody else. Try to change yourself and see how you go... (How promptly can you set and achieve goals for yourself like losing weight, saving money, etc...) If you can't even do that what makes you think that you will succeed at changing someone else?

One of the hallmarks of true love is the ability to accept the person as he or she is - warts and all. Unconditional love is rather uncommon in our society. We always try to leverage our affection on some pre-conditions. Yet true love is what everybody is craving for. The underlying issue is that true love delivers acceptance.

We need to be accepted by others for our self-esteem to rise. In turn this releases us to be our best. So here is the catch twenty two: manipulative love stifles self-esteem which in turns blocks self-fulfilment.

Some have gone the way of life coaching or worse neuro linguistic programming which is a clever cover-up for self-hypnosis when we had the answer all along in the bible. This old book is replete with stories and examples of unconditional love and the benefits thereof.

Fear and faith are mutually exclusive. People dare not use those words these days. They talk about hang-ups and motivation instead. Anything that can steer you away from Judeo-Christian values is a good thing it seems... But that does not make the problem go away. Risk taking is a character strength. In fact you cannot do anything in life without taking a risk. Stepping out in the street or turning on a light switch involves taking some risk. You do it unconsciously because your experience confirms that the risk is minimal or non existent.

So what about taking risks with people? That means putting somebody else's interest ahead of yours. Wow! What a statement in a world that worships selfishness - the trilogy of me, myself and I. If people would operate in that realm it would turn dating and recruitment interviews upside down. People would say; "What can I do to make you enjoy this special day?" or "What could our company do to release your full potential if you were to join us?"

Bad things happen to good people for no fault of their own. No matter how people try you cannot control your circumstances. Why not let go and trust God instead? You could be in the prime of life and marry somebody who five years down the track will become disabled. You have two choices: dump the partner and find someone else trying to silence the guilt of your conscience through drugs or alcohol. The alternative is to face your challenge and learn to live by faith not by sight. Those who have an easy life learn nothing. Hollywood is a showcase of those who have it all and are a hollow shell inside. Stop dreaming in front of the TV watching the wrong role models. Welcome to the real world where real people take real risks.

Robert says:
Thank you so much for this article. It has provided a very very timely key to a problem I am facing!!!

5 Things Women Are Looking For In A Man

by Bruno Deshayes on 18 May 2017 permalink
A big heart "Good Samaritan"

A man who is not so caught up in himself that he has compassion for the plight of those who cross his path. Someone who is not so selfish as to have the leisure to consider the welfare of others. If he already treats strangers well he is likely to treat you well also.

Integrity "Man of his Word"

A man who honours his pledge no matter how uncomfortable that might be down the track under pressure. By implication if he can do that then he will stick to his marriage vows. Someone who is brave enough to last for the long term. Someone who doesn't spend his time watching over his shoulder. Someone who has the courage to finish the race he has started.

Companion "Quality Time"

A man who can get down on his knees and laugh with the children - even if they are not his children. A man who can play and tell bedtime stories. Someone who doesn't get bored with human beings and knows when to turn the TV off. He plays sport with his mates rather than watching sport on TV. He enjoys playing tennis with you if you ask. He does it not for the sake of tennis but for the sake of sharing life together no matter what the activity might be (even shopping).

Attention and focus "Listening Ear"

A man who does not rush to fix your problem. Someone who is wise enough to pick up on your issue and give you an alternate point of view without forcing his ideas on you. A man who is not taken off guard by a feminine mindset but who respects it, protects it and cherishes it.

Leadership "Setting Direction"

A man who can set and achieve all sorts of goals not just by himself but also by getting others involved. This is the authority you naturally want to submit to - not because you have to - but because you want to. Someone who has done his homework about long term goals and can correct his mistakes.

Growth Industries Forecast

by Bruno Deshayes on 11 May 2017 permalink
When we are at war with China and the container ships stop coming in, who will restock the shelves at K Mart?

Our clothing and footwear industries are all but non existent. If you are looking for a growth sector - there it is staring you in the face! Now is the time to re-learn how to stitch-up some fashion back into our lives. Can the rag-trade have a rebirth? Could it be a distributed cottage industry? Could stay-at-home mums dust off their sewing machines and generate some income?

In Tasmania, the one Australian state with a record unemployment, people have discovered ways to flag down the tourism traffic off the highway by turning their home into an arts and crafts shop. Can we use social media to whip-up a grassroots movement distributing the patterns and fabric and later collecting the finished garments?

Notice how belligerent the Chinese have become. They oppose every resolution of the Security Council at the United Nations to let the crisis in Syria go unabated.  In their national pride they are willing to pick a fight with Vietnam and Japan over dubious territorial claims regarding some deserted islands - not unlike the Falklands war between the United Kingdom and Argentina.

Yet at the same time our government is letting go of strategic assets which are critical in terms of national security. The last two petrol refineries in NSW are being closed down. We will now import our distillate from Singapore because it is more profitable to put our skilled workforce to pasture. If we are the lucky country riding the mining boom, why can't we export gasoline as well as coal? A little bit of added value would not hurt.

But our mindset has always been to export steel to Japan and import it back as manufactured cars or whitegoods appliances. We also export uranium to India but would not run a nuclear power station while we had all the space to conduct nuclear tests in Maralinga for the British.

So if you see the lights on late at night in your neighbour's garage maybe the cottage industry has come to Australia out of necessity. Few are willing to accept that we might be falling down into a world recession like the Great Depression of the 1920s. It lasted 10 years from 1929 to 1939 and ended by the rise to power of Adolf Hitler and the start of the Second World War.

Leave your past where it belongs and bring your future into existence

by Bruno Deshayes on 04 May 2017 permalink
No point looking back over your shoulder. Everybody makes mistakes. The cure fits in three words: Get Over It! But while you are mulling over the same scenario of where things might have gone wrong; your future seems ever so distant.

The best way to pull yourself out of that grind is to thank God for each new day. Do you get up early with a sense of expectation, determined to make the most of every opportunity - or do you grumble about how the good old days were stolen from you?

Where you focus your mind is where your creativity will start working. You were born to solve problems - so welcome problems that come your way. See them as juicy opportunities to turn the tables on the devil. You have only two choices: the enemy of your soul or the lover of your soul. Which one will you listen to?

How can you make your life count today? What is your sphere of influence? What makes you tick? What is your gifting? What is it that you do exceedingly well? What comes to you naturally? What would be your ideal job? What is the thing you are passionate about? What is the topic you are an expert on?

Anyone still wondering after this barrage of pointed questions? You do not want to take a personal inventory because somewhere, somehow you have left the enemy of your soul rob you of your dream and destiny... It is time to regain the lost ground. Even what seems like wasted time can be turned into good. You will appreciate your mountain top experience even more so if you have been through the valley of the shadow of death first. The paradox is that you need the humility of an adverse experience to steward the prosperity to come. In Christian lingo it's called picking up your cross daily. Sunshine comes after the rain. Calm comes after the storm. You have to weather both equally well.

Ask yourself: "Right now, what is the most productive thing I should be doing?" Is there an opportunity to do good in your environment? Do you need to hone your skills in one area to be trusted for your next promotion? No pain - no gain. If you knew the future there would be no challenge, no risks to take, no joy of contending... everything would be reduced to a fatalistic attitude. Only God knows the future - probably because He is the only one who can be trusted with it... Instead you have been given the unique opportunity to bring your own future into being by the things you are striving for today. Remember Christ's words: "To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life."

Control Your Thoughts Or Your Thoughts Will Control You

by Bruno Deshayes on 27 Apr 2017 permalink
Do you feel you have invested a good chunk of your life into someone else and now it has all been trashed?

Are you being drawn to appropriate blame on something that happened in the past?

Bad things happen to good people for no fault of their own - this is life - welcome to the real world!

The issue is not what happened - you cannot change it. The issue is - how are you going to move from here?

The short and sweet answer to it all is this - GET OVER IT! Some of you may not yet be ready to hear it but the sooner you are able to close the door on the past and rebuild your future from where you are now in the present - the better off you will be.

How does controlling your thoughts can help? The battle is in the mind. The self-talk that goes on in your head is something you can address.

There is something in us that cries out for justice when we have been wronged. There are also scores of people around the world who are worse off than you and yet do not complain. What is their secret? They have learned to let go of unnecessary emotional baggage. Are you travelling lightly or are you burdened with remorse and bitterness? If so it can become a mental cancer that will eat you up if you let it get hold of you. There is indeed a time to mourn the loss of a relationship, the loss of an opportunity, the loss of a whole section of your life that has apparently gone to waste.

But there is also a time to move on. Only you can decide when and how to do that. Maybe moving to a different town will give you a change of scenery. Although be mindful of not cutting whatever emotional support you have left.

A good mental discipline is to say "I will not go there!" when you are being drawn to reminisce about the same old scenario. This can happen first thing in the morning when you wake up or when you are idle sitting in public transport. Catch it in its tracks - snap out of it - this thing is trying to own you.

The flip side of all of this is that there are valuable lessons in life that you can only learn through overcoming adversity. Did you hear me? You have been chosen worthy to go through your experience because you will come out stronger and more mature out of it. Welcome to the club of the braves.

It's not what happened to me that matters; it's how I handle it!

Fernando Gallegos says:
Thanks Bruno. Truly inspiring and motivating. Ever thought of presenting your philosophies to an audience? Seriously!

Linda Brooks says:
Lighthouses are never built in safe places. So if all you see around you are rocks and shipwrecks, maybe you have been given the privilege of being a lighthouse. In spite of the dark solitary shadows of night, your place in life has a reason.

Adrian McCabe says:
Great article Bruno. Keep up the good work! God bless.



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Bruno Deshayes

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