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Disrespectful wives and unloving husbands

by Bruno Deshayes on 18 Aug 2016 permalink
People who are in a relationship for themselves find that they are not getting a good deal while those who seek to meet the needs of their partner find out that we are wired quite differently.

For a man the main currency is respect. How can you establish your leadership in the home if your authority is under-valued by no other than the one who should be the president of your fan-club?

For a woman the main currency is love. Not sexual intercourse but a steady stream of non-verbal clues that he cares for you and your well-being is always on his mind. How depressing can it be when he says: "I told you at your birthday that I love you! Why do you need to hear it again constantly?"

"Vive la difference!" God in His infinite wisdom made us complimentary - not similar. So how can you leverage the untapped potential of your marriage? For some unfortunately I should rephrase it as: "How can you pre-empt the next clash and rebuild a better foundation?"

Doing life together is an adventure, a risk, a challenge, a step into the unknown. There are things in life that you will never learn at school, things that your mother never told you about, things that you will have to workout for yourselves.

The one and only question that really matters is this: "Are you committed to make this marriage work?" "Are you in it for the long-haul?" "Are you committed to your mate through hail, rain or shine?"

Unless you are fully committed to each other you have no-where to go together. Once you realise it is more blessed to give than to receive you will learn to trust that your goodwill will not go in vain.

Being just flatmates in the same accommodation is no way to run a marriage. You have to be sold-out on a common goal for the marriage to stick. You can bet your resolve will be tested indeed. You might see a happy couple at a social function but you may not want to swap places because precious little did you know about the ordeal they might have gone through together...

As iron sharpens iron a married couple have to grow-up together. Your whole life together is not meant to be a static experience but an obstacle course where each step makes you more understanding, and may I say more loving and more respectful of each other.

The bottom line is this: If you value somebody so much that you have made the commitment to share your lives together then it stands to reason that you would refrain from doing the things that person dislikes and endeavour to figure out how to do perfectly the things that person enjoys from you.

Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs


Most dangerous prayer

by Bruno Deshayes on 11 Aug 2016 permalink
I once said to God: "Make me the person you want me to be."

Just one word of advice - don't utter these words lightly. You end-up being on your own trying to make sense of the situation - racing 1000 scenarios of where things might have gone wrong - where did I lose the plot?

God does not owe you an answer on every question you ask. Remember He is Sovereign. I thought being unemployed was bad enough. But I wasn't unemployed. I was running my own business and it was falling apart fast. More to the point it never really got off the ground. But how do you know when to pull the plug on your dearest dream?

Then disquiet and friction crept in the home. Rebellious teenagers, disrespectful wife. Obviously I wasn't the best father and husband they had hoped for. They wanted a cash cow that would keep on providing hail, rain or shine. So I wasn't a man anymore - I was a bum.

After they left I had peace. Peace to stare at the walls wondering how to pay off the credit card, the car loan and the mortgage. I wrote a screenplay about the ordeal while it was still fresh in my mind. Writing brings me peace and closure.

Then I moved heaven and earth in a prayer offensive to restore things the way they were or better. Thinking all of this was just a bad dream. But it got worse. While I was holding an olive branch of reconciliation she was busy seeking another relationship. She found what she wanted and I was devastated. So much for praying and trusting God! You could have at least tapped me on the shoulder and advised me I was barking at the wrong tree.

It is not our business to know the future. What matters is the attitude of our heart. But then another test was forthcoming: homelessness. January 2009 was the housing crisis in Sydney and the lease of my flat wasn't being renewed. I moved my furniture and belongings into storage. I bought a panel van as my mobile living quarters. Then winter came. I read books in shopping centres and worked with my laptop in public libraries. Do you want to be a Christian too?

It's not what happens to you that matters to God. Most of the time He is in control and you're not. It's the way you handle it. You can say to yourself this is just another test. You can say to yourself God values you so much He believes you can pull it through and become in the process the refined gold He is after. Welcome to every day boot camp!

Thomas j Mounts says:
Amen! Hey Bruno, I think you are on the right track. I had exchanged e-mail with you in the past, and you sent me some pictures of the coastline near Sydney. Thank you for those. Unfortunately my world has been going in much the same direction as yours, but I still have faith that it can only get better. God Bless you! We will Have greatness beyond that of our past. I can only say that without the bad we cannot measure the good. Keep up your faith in the future, and be aware that the best is still to come. Talk at you again, Thomas j Mounts...


Laugh on me

by Bruno Deshayes on 04 Aug 2016 permalink
What does the cannibal say after eating a clown? It tasted funny.

Mary took her pony to the vet. The animal is now in a stable condition.

Why couldn't the pony talk? He was a little horse.

What do cows read to their calves at night? Dairy tales.

What does the unloved pig say to the farmer? You take me for grunted.

Why don't anteaters get sick? They are full of anty-bodies.

What do you call two dinosaurs who pranged their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humour? Laughing stock.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced pain before and bought jewellery.

What's the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Judge: "Do you have anything to offer to this court before I pass sentence?"
Defendant: "No, your Honour, my lawyer took every penny!"

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, tree surgeons debarked, models deposed and dry-cleaners depressed?

An accountant suffering insomnia visits his doctor. "Have you tried counting sheep?" "I think that's the problem. I make a mistake then I spend three hours trying to fix it!"

"Doctor, I think I need glasses." "You certainly do, Sir. This is a fish and chips shop."

A woman bet her local butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. "Nope" he said "the steaks are too high."

Employer: In this job we really need someone who is responsible.
Job applicant: I am definitely your man! In my last job every time something went wrong, they said I was responsible.

CEO at AGM: Ladies and gentlemen, last month we were teetering on the edge of a precipice. Today I am proud to announce we are going to take a great step forward.

A boss asks an employee if he believes in life after death. "Why do you want to know?" asks the employee. The boss replies: "Because while you said you were at your grandmother's funeral, she popped in to see you."

A woman got a job as a historian only to realise there was no future in it.

Boss: "I'm going to mix business with pleasure."
Employee: "What's that?"
Boss: "You're fired!"


Global obesity a threat to mankind

by Bruno Deshayes on 28 Jul 2016 permalink
The poorest countries are now seen as a free for all, last marketing frontier by the junk food multinational giants. Subsidised Coke and free chocolate samples are being pushed into every remote hamlet to enslave the natives to a diet their body cannot handle.

The cheap supply of cooking oil and sugar is causing an epidemic of diabetes in India. Schools in Mexico guzzle Coke because it is cheaper than installing water purification. Marketing consultants tour the Brazilian slums to peddle Nestle's snack foods. They even use showboats up the Amazon river to promote their appealing merchandise.

The Chinese are trampling their weight into fitness gyms in the hope of arresting the effects of their munch-on-the-go lifestyle. Fatness is everywhere. Gluttony is taking the world by stealth.

Never mind global warming, the economy, conflicting ideologies and other world issues - we are fattening ourselves to the hilt. The West has a big responsibility to show leadership and progress but it is failing badly. The illusion of self-correcting free markets has failed to deliver anything of substance. Instead it is creating a playground for powerful conglomerates to push their agenda of profit and market dominance on weak local governments. But they will be the ones to foot the medical bills which are ballooning like the waistline of their constituents.

It is worth noting that the food giants marketing tsunami is a repeat of the techniques so successfully used by the tobacco lobby in the past. Colourful packaging, toys and games are there to bribe the parents into feeding their young the junk they don't need.

Coke is half price in rural areas as opposed to the price in downtown Mexico City. Obviously you have to be first before Pepsi gets here - never mind if children get rotten teeth with all that lolly water in their baby bottle.

In Brazil, the turning point is the explosion of local supermarkets complete with barcodes and point-of-sale terminals at the expense of the town square where small farmers used to sell their local produce. Consumers are switching from a diet of fruits and vegetables to one of processed foods rich in starch, fat and sugar. They are lured into leaving their traditional lifestyle to embrace progress and convenience. Their metabolism doesn't seem to agree - not knowing what to do with all those extra calories. People realise that once you put on weight, it is awfully difficult to get rid of it. An obese mother walks her child to school, half an hour each way - without any result on her condition.

Chris Harvey says:
Your clearly think deeply about a range of things, but I'm finding your musings aren't doing anything to help me, so I will be dropping out from your mailing list.

Bruno says:
Sorry to see you go. I thought you would have much to contribute but time is the essence, I understand.


Burning the candle at both ends?

by Bruno Deshayes on 21 Jul 2016 permalink
In a world where the motto is doing more with less, a mental breakdown can bring your productivity to naught.

If you want to last the distance you'd better know how to manage your mount. If people of old knew how to care for their horses how much more should we care for our own well-being?

Super-heroes are for the movies. In the real world those who know how to pace themselves are the true achievers. Have you got any clue where you spent your time last week? Yes, it went like a flash - that's precisely the point. Unless you know where you spend your time you will not reach your goals by accident.

Do you have written down goals? Have you had the discipline to move from wishful thinking to deliberate time management? Have you learned to say no to all those interruptions in guise of urgent take-it-or-leave-it propositions? Do you have any idea how to measure if you are clawing back the lost time or falling further behind?

We are all equal insofar as time goes. We each have been given 24 hours each day. 8 of these should be spent sleeping, 8 of these we exchange for money is something called a job. The quality of where you spend the remaining 8 will make all the difference.

If you commute in transport do you ignore your neighbours or dare to engage in conversation with strangers to further your people's skills and have fellowship with folks from different backgrounds? If you take a lunch break do you gulp down a sandwich in front of the computer while surfing the net or do you seek who you could help and relax with?

The best way to enrich your life and regain control of your time is actually to give it away... weird but it works. Look at a mother how she gives of herself to attend to the need of her infant. See how she persistently tries all manners of non verbal communication - obviously the child hasn't learned any language yet... but their time together is precious.

If you go out and seek who you can bring a smile to, you will find that opportunities to reach your goals will come after you as a by-product. There is a law at work here. The stingier you are with your time and your money - even the little you have left will fly away. The more you seek out how to contribute to society (the people you can reach) the more opportunities will open up to you. That is simply because you will stand out a mile and people just seek someone like that.


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