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Have you found a good reason to do life together?

by Bruno Deshayes on 23 Feb 2017 permalink
Warm feelings will lead you astray. Unless you are passionate about a lifelong goal to reach together, you have no business entertaining a relationship with somebody.

That goal could be as simple and as challenging as being the provider/nurturer for a safe family environment. That being said, you will face scores of obstacles that will stretch you no end. The problem is not what you will do together when things go well - what will you do when things go sour (yes, they will, you can bet on that...)

It's easy to love somebody when you get what you want out of the relationship. The issue is how can you and your partner gauge what your behaviour will be like under pressure.

Introducing a concept rarely heard of in our selfish, fast-paced, get-it-now world of the 21st century: unconditional love. No more "I love you as long as you make me feel good" kind of thing. Unconditional love means that you put somebody else's interests ahead of yours. Ouch! That's a high calling! Some men enter marriage as boys and only gain maturity when they find out that the welfare of a little bundle of life is totally dependent on them. Some women are quite confused with their identity in the corporate world until they fall pregnant and their body chemistry and mindset changes radically to prepare themselves into raising a brand new human being.

If raising a family is the reason you want to get married, it is a most worthwhile goal that will fulfil you to the max. If you enter into a relationship thinking that having children is a distant option in the future and you have no specific reason to walk through life together except having fun, you will fail - guaranteed!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you avoid pain, discomfort, challenges, etc... you will never grow up and will remain a selfish introverted little sod - not the material for a lifelong relationship. Others will do well to avoid you...

If you need two incomes instead of one to make ends meet you are living beyond your means. You put yourself in a situation where a slight mishap could jeopardize your goals. The day of reckoning will come when you realise the values you held dear may not be worth the effort. At the same time the values you discounted as optional extras are the ones that will see you through a difficult patch.

Make no mistake. This generation is greatly unprepared for what is to come. The good times of the baby boomers are over well and truly. There is nobody left around to tell is how they survived the Great Depression of the 1920s.

Even saving for a lifetime to buy your own piece of real-estate is no longer a reasonable dream. Why buy something that could halve in value? But where do you live in the meantime? What about finding out what people need the most (not iPhones or plasma TVs, something more tangible and long lasting than that) and setting out to provide that commodity as your life long goal together? What about practising what unconditional love really means to you?


The Phenomenon Of Thrill-Seeking Sports

by Bruno Deshayes on 16 Feb 2017 permalink
After bungee jumping, mountain biking, parachuting what will people think of next? What is the motivation behind all this?

Is people self-esteem so low that if they don't make it to the Guinness Book of Records they feel like a nobody? Has reality TV challenged the weak that they are indestructible? Are people so bored stiff with their lives that they want to finish with a bang?

The amount of injuries in sport is a worrisome trend - not just for star players but for mundane fans who make the bulk of knee replacement surgery. Just like dentists who invest their earnings in shares of candy and chocolate manufacturers, orthopedics surgeons might be shareholders in sport fixtures and TV channels.

When sport met marketing and money, sport ceased to be sport. Instead it is a trend setter, an arena where champions are made and worshipped, a religion of achievers for achievement's sake, a cosy fraternity of eternally young folks who produce wealth for themselves, their doctors, coaches and their sponsors.

Our forefathers moved from an agricultural society to an industrial society. We in turn have moved from a service industry to an entertainment industry. Marketing used to be about finding out what people really want and giving it to them. When that became overcrowded in every market segment the next stage is to create your own market niche out of nothing.

Sport is the perfect playground for this. Create your own sport and promote it until you get a critical mass of followers. Connect a kite to a surf board and call it kitesurfing. Aficionados spare no expense in buying up the right high-tech gear to be seen in the right places with the right crowd.

If you end-up in hospital then you will have the right story to tell and you may ask your boss to sponsor the next event.

Bike riding is a prime example where an ordinary bike costs $150 but an impressive cycling machine can tally over $10,000 and it does not even have a rear vision mirror!

Like other religions sport is a way to keep your mind off the problems you can't tackle (like a divorce, a lingering court case, a disabled child) and allow you to live in a made-up world where you can make your own rules.

The only problem is that is never satisfies. Even those who make it to the pinnacle of their endeavour do not stay there for very long. Why so many star players fall into drugs, adultery, gambling, match fixing or else? Is that really the role models we want to show our children who do sport at school? Should professional sport be banned so that those champions can also have a regular job like the rest of us and donate their sponsorship fees to charity?


Will you be left behind?

by Bruno Deshayes on 09 Feb 2017 permalink
Are you betting that things will improve just by themselves? Would you take the view that the earth and its inhabitants are doomed, that we have passed the point of no return? Do you want to be left behind to find out?

Suddenly. The effect of surprise. The non-linear discontinuity of future events. Suddenly war broke out. Suddenly a terrorist attack took place. Suddenly someone died on their way to work. Suddenly a tsunami wipes out thousands. Suddenly an earthquake occurs. Suddenly you tremble in your boots, have cold sweat and buy an insurance policy...

Let me tell you about the grand daddy of all suddentlys... It's called the rapture. An event that never took place in the past and will never happen again. Although we can look at pre-runners. Noah's ark for instance. While the earth was surrounded by a water canopy and nobody had seen rain before this brave man was obedient to God and built a huge boat over a long time. He was the joke of the town. The story is found in the bible, Genesis chapter 6. God left us the rainbow as a mark in the sky so that we would not forget.

Suddenly in 1948 the state of Israel was established in the Middle-East. Suddenly God handed Jerusalem over to the Jews. Do you want to hear about some more un-expected, world changing events?

Not knowing the future keeps you on your toes. Will you have enough superannuation to retire comfortably? Do you need to build a nuclear shelter under your house? Do you need to stockpile food, candles, solar panels, gasoline?

Do you need to get right with God? What if all that stuff was true? Can you afford to stick your head in the sand? Would you rather buy a home theatre to watch in 3D and surround sound some apocalyptic movie? Would you convince yourself it was all make-believe and your candy bar is still there at the end on the coffee table?

Suddenly the interest rate goes up. Suddenly the price of electricity becomes exorbitant. Suddenly unemployment rises. Suddenly banks foreclose on mortgages. Suddenly there is unrest in the streets. Suddenly the boss calls you in his office.

Suddenly you grab a bible, get on your knees and start reading.

Left Behind - the movie

For an expose of Christian values click here


I want to finish well

by Bruno Deshayes on 02 Feb 2017 permalink
There are scores of people who had a brilliant start in life but screwed up along the way. Anybody can start the race - will you finish with flying colours?

Adversity is part of life. It is as common as the air we breathe. Actually nobody asked you your opinion. You are part of planet earth and you have a job to do until your number is called. Are you going to make your mark in this world? Or are you going to dissipate your energy and your worth in wild living and obsessions?

Keeping your eyes on the goal at the end of the race is what will keep you on course. But how do you keep your bearings when everybody else is going crazy?

Being a homemaker and raising children is as worthy an existence as being a head of state - and less dangerous too! But what sort of values will you impart on the next generation? Will your marriage stay in one piece by the time it is their turn to marry?

Do you have that sinking feeling that you are losing your connections? Do you find it hard to keep in touch with those that matter to you? Are you always the one to ring up?

What gives your life a meaning is the ability to build up others through simple things. You can talk to people you know on the phone but it is a bad way to get to know strangers. Facebook friends are not really friends unless you get a chance to walk together - meaning share a common activity face to face, not across the internet. That could be something as simple as sharing a meal.

These days people are shy about entertaining folks in their homes. Like if they've got something to hide. Maybe they are afraid you might come back with a pickup truck and steal their belongings.

Just like showing the palm of your hands during a confrontation (meaning you don't hide a weapon), letting people know who you are in your environment (your home) is a token that you are real and trustworthy.

So if you want to finish well, what are you living for? What are the core values that are making your existence worthwhile? What pearls of wisdom have you gathered in a world that clearly has lost its bearings? If you don't stand for something, you are standing for nothing. People say there are no absolutes in this world - everything is relative. Do as you please as long as it does not impeach on the freedom of others...

For some worthwhile core values click here


Fools Falling In Love 101

by Bruno Deshayes on 26 Jan 2017 permalink
This is the one event where a man does not try to process a woman with logic. Something just hit him. He has no clue what it is. He suddenly has the sublime intuition that on his own he is lopsided and that with her, he can become complete.

There is a woman-shaped hole in his heart that only the seductress can fill. He will break a path to her door. In Latin countries you are supposed to take a donkey and a guitar and ride under her balcony and serenade her until she nonchalantly drops the perfumed handkerchief that was tucked between her breasts. Never mind the neighbours. In that culture when a man is in love with a woman the whole village knows about it for obvious reasons. Anglo-Saxons on the other hand are supposed to kneel down and propose with a diamond ring. A whole industry has a vested interest in perpetuating that tradition. I suppose if they also hired guitars and donkeys they would have all bases covered...

Courtship is the art of seeking a woman's affection usually with the hope of marriage. Ballroom dancing was invented to teach women how to walk backwards - utterly relying on the lead of the man they would trust for the rest of their life. Without vision mirrors she goes in reverse totally un-phased at how many walls, pillars or other couples they missed in the journey.

Of course dancing can lead to kissing - which is a way to get two people so close to each other that they can't see what's wrong with them!

Some women conceive courtship akin to an obstacle course to test the skills and resolve of the pretender. They include non-verbal clues as a cheat sheet to give unfair advantage to the favourite. Unfortunately some men compute that if a woman can't express herself with words it's probably not worth listening to her...

It is sad to see some people setting themselves as "dating life coach" to take advantage of those on the rejection heap. On the other hand God is the best matchmaker. Those who are in Christ know He has a sense of humour and knows how to get people to cross paths without feeling manipulated. In fact there are scores of testimonies where people relied on God to find their mate - which in turn released God to perfectly answer their prayer.

Falling in love is the most un-foolish thing you can ever do. Making yourself vulnerable and accountable to someone of the opposite sex is the most risky and rewarding decision you will ever make. Many have despised the day their missed to tune-in to the song of their mermaid. Instead of shipwrecking themselves on the island of bliss they sailed on in a dark ocean of loneliness and unfulfilment.


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