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Have you found a good reason to do life together?

by Bruno Deshayes on 23 Feb 2017 permalink
Warm feelings will lead you astray. Unless you are passionate about a lifelong goal to reach together, you have no business entertaining a relationship with somebody.

That goal could be as simple and as challenging as being the provider/nurturer for a safe family environment. That being said, you will face scores of obstacles that will stretch you no end. The problem is not what you will do together when things go well - what will you do when things go sour (yes, they will, you can bet on that...)

It's easy to love somebody when you get what you want out of the relationship. The issue is how can you and your partner gauge what your behaviour will be like under pressure.

Introducing a concept rarely heard of in our selfish, fast-paced, get-it-now world of the 21st century: unconditional love. No more "I love you as long as you make me feel good" kind of thing. Unconditional love means that you put somebody else's interests ahead of yours. Ouch! That's a high calling! Some men enter marriage as boys and only gain maturity when they find out that the welfare of a little bundle of life is totally dependent on them. Some women are quite confused with their identity in the corporate world until they fall pregnant and their body chemistry and mindset changes radically to prepare themselves into raising a brand new human being.

If raising a family is the reason you want to get married, it is a most worthwhile goal that will fulfil you to the max. If you enter into a relationship thinking that having children is a distant option in the future and you have no specific reason to walk through life together except having fun, you will fail - guaranteed!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you avoid pain, discomfort, challenges, etc... you will never grow up and will remain a selfish introverted little sod - not the material for a lifelong relationship. Others will do well to avoid you...

If you need two incomes instead of one to make ends meet you are living beyond your means. You put yourself in a situation where a slight mishap could jeopardize your goals. The day of reckoning will come when you realise the values you held dear may not be worth the effort. At the same time the values you discounted as optional extras are the ones that will see you through a difficult patch.

Make no mistake. This generation is greatly unprepared for what is to come. The good times of the baby boomers are over well and truly. There is nobody left around to tell is how they survived the Great Depression of the 1920s.

Even saving for a lifetime to buy your own piece of real-estate is no longer a reasonable dream. Why buy something that could halve in value? But where do you live in the meantime? What about finding out what people need the most (not iPhones or plasma TVs, something more tangible and long lasting than that) and setting out to provide that commodity as your life long goal together? What about practising what unconditional love really means to you?



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Bruno Deshayes

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