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Can you love people as they are?

by Bruno Deshayes on 25 May 2017 permalink
One of the fastest ways to ruin a relationship is to relentlessly try to change somebody else. Try to change yourself and see how you go... (How promptly can you set and achieve goals for yourself like losing weight, saving money, etc...) If you can't even do that what makes you think that you will succeed at changing someone else?

One of the hallmarks of true love is the ability to accept the person as he or she is - warts and all. Unconditional love is rather uncommon in our society. We always try to leverage our affection on some pre-conditions. Yet true love is what everybody is craving for. The underlying issue is that true love delivers acceptance.

We need to be accepted by others for our self-esteem to rise. In turn this releases us to be our best. So here is the catch twenty two: manipulative love stifles self-esteem which in turns blocks self-fulfilment.

Some have gone the way of life coaching or worse neuro linguistic programming which is a clever cover-up for self-hypnosis when we had the answer all along in the bible. This old book is replete with stories and examples of unconditional love and the benefits thereof.

Fear and faith are mutually exclusive. People dare not use those words these days. They talk about hang-ups and motivation instead. Anything that can steer you away from Judeo-Christian values is a good thing it seems... But that does not make the problem go away. Risk taking is a character strength. In fact you cannot do anything in life without taking a risk. Stepping out in the street or turning on a light switch involves taking some risk. You do it unconsciously because your experience confirms that the risk is minimal or non existent.

So what about taking risks with people? That means putting somebody else's interest ahead of yours. Wow! What a statement in a world that worships selfishness - the trilogy of me, myself and I. If people would operate in that realm it would turn dating and recruitment interviews upside down. People would say; "What can I do to make you enjoy this special day?" or "What could our company do to release your full potential if you were to join us?"

Bad things happen to good people for no fault of their own. No matter how people try you cannot control your circumstances. Why not let go and trust God instead? You could be in the prime of life and marry somebody who five years down the track will become disabled. You have two choices: dump the partner and find someone else trying to silence the guilt of your conscience through drugs or alcohol. The alternative is to face your challenge and learn to live by faith not by sight. Those who have an easy life learn nothing. Hollywood is a showcase of those who have it all and are a hollow shell inside. Stop dreaming in front of the TV watching the wrong role models. Welcome to the real world where real people take real risks.

Robert says:
Thank you so much for this article. It has provided a very very timely key to a problem I am facing!!!



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Bruno Deshayes

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