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Can you love people as they are?

by Bruno Deshayes on 25 May 2017 permalink
One of the fastest ways to ruin a relationship is to relentlessly try to change somebody else. Try to change yourself and see how you go... (How promptly can you set and achieve goals for yourself like losing weight, saving money, etc...) If you can't even do that what makes you think that you will succeed at changing someone else?

One of the hallmarks of true love is the ability to accept the person as he or she is - warts and all. Unconditional love is rather uncommon in our society. We always try to leverage our affection on some pre-conditions. Yet true love is what everybody is craving for. The underlying issue is that true love delivers acceptance.

We need to be accepted by others for our self-esteem to rise. In turn this releases us to be our best. So here is the catch twenty two: manipulative love stifles self-esteem which in turns blocks self-fulfilment.

Some have gone the way of life coaching or worse neuro linguistic programming which is a clever cover-up for self-hypnosis when we had the answer all along in the bible. This old book is replete with stories and examples of unconditional love and the benefits thereof.

Fear and faith are mutually exclusive. People dare not use those words these days. They talk about hang-ups and motivation instead. Anything that can steer you away from Judeo-Christian values is a good thing it seems... But that does not make the problem go away. Risk taking is a character strength. In fact you cannot do anything in life without taking a risk. Stepping out in the street or turning on a light switch involves taking some risk. You do it unconsciously because your experience confirms that the risk is minimal or non existent.

So what about taking risks with people? That means putting somebody else's interest ahead of yours. Wow! What a statement in a world that worships selfishness - the trilogy of me, myself and I. If people would operate in that realm it would turn dating and recruitment interviews upside down. People would say; "What can I do to make you enjoy this special day?" or "What could our company do to release your full potential if you were to join us?"

Bad things happen to good people for no fault of their own. No matter how people try you cannot control your circumstances. Why not let go and trust God instead? You could be in the prime of life and marry somebody who five years down the track will become disabled. You have two choices: dump the partner and find someone else trying to silence the guilt of your conscience through drugs or alcohol. The alternative is to face your challenge and learn to live by faith not by sight. Those who have an easy life learn nothing. Hollywood is a showcase of those who have it all and are a hollow shell inside. Stop dreaming in front of the TV watching the wrong role models. Welcome to the real world where real people take real risks.

Robert says:
Thank you so much for this article. It has provided a very very timely key to a problem I am facing!!!


5 Things Women Are Looking For In A Man

by Bruno Deshayes on 18 May 2017 permalink
A big heart "Good Samaritan"

A man who is not so caught up in himself that he has compassion for the plight of those who cross his path. Someone who is not so selfish as to have the leisure to consider the welfare of others. If he already treats strangers well he is likely to treat you well also.

Integrity "Man of his Word"

A man who honours his pledge no matter how uncomfortable that might be down the track under pressure. By implication if he can do that then he will stick to his marriage vows. Someone who is brave enough to last for the long term. Someone who doesn't spend his time watching over his shoulder. Someone who has the courage to finish the race he has started.

Companion "Quality Time"

A man who can get down on his knees and laugh with the children - even if they are not his children. A man who can play and tell bedtime stories. Someone who doesn't get bored with human beings and knows when to turn the TV off. He plays sport with his mates rather than watching sport on TV. He enjoys playing tennis with you if you ask. He does it not for the sake of tennis but for the sake of sharing life together no matter what the activity might be (even shopping).

Attention and focus "Listening Ear"

A man who does not rush to fix your problem. Someone who is wise enough to pick up on your issue and give you an alternate point of view without forcing his ideas on you. A man who is not taken off guard by a feminine mindset but who respects it, protects it and cherishes it.

Leadership "Setting Direction"

A man who can set and achieve all sorts of goals not just by himself but also by getting others involved. This is the authority you naturally want to submit to - not because you have to - but because you want to. Someone who has done his homework about long term goals and can correct his mistakes.


Wedding Speech

by Bruno Deshayes on 06 Apr 2017 permalink

I honour you as the next generation. Those of us who have almost ran our race pass the baton over to you and wish you all the very best. It is a courageous thing to get married these days in a world that has clearly lost its marbles - yet you are very wise in making a lifelong commitment to uphold each other and do life together.

Make sure you guard your quality time together and with the Lord. A couple who can worship together at home is a couple who will be able to tune-in to the voice of God. Sometimes the Scriptures alone do not give us a clear path to go to. It is a humbling experience to find that God sometimes chooses to guide you through a picture, a word or a dream given not to you but to your spouse.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment to uphold and build up each other. It is the bedrock of society where we learn management and social skills - where we raise children in an environment of peace, trust and protection giving them both a male and female role model to look up to. No wonder the family is under attack in our society because some minorities are itching to root out Christian values from our institutions while the majority is doing next to nothing to protect them.

Men are blessed with a logical mind and can work tirelessly on a distant lifelong goal like a career, building a house, etc... Women have a great intuition, share their emotions openly and can handle multiple tasks all at the same time. Use those attributes to complement but not to undermine each another. God made each one of us lopsided so that it is only when we come together that we are complete. If you have issues with that - talk to Him. After all He is your Creator.

Do not try to change each other either by brute force or by constant nagging. Instead ask yourself: How can I facilitate my husband to become the man God intended him to be? How can I facilitate my wife to become the woman God intended her to be? Develop the discipline of turning off the TV, the internet and put the phone on hold while you look into each other's soul. There is an intimacy which is not of a sexual kind that you will have to discover and work at. Some old couples are known to be able to sense each other's emotions and opinions without saying a word. Don't wait until you're old to reach that level. When you look into each other's eyes you should be able to agree on your common goals and trust each other enough to leave the fine details to each other's interpretation.

Do not betray each other's privacy by discussing over the phone matters that should remain within the marriage. Make the most of every opportunity to learn together and maintain a teachable spirit. There will be no shortage of untold pressure to test you but as long as you remain together in heart and mind and seek the face of God together He will take you from strength to strength. This is something no-one can teach you. You will have to write your own story for yourselves. We are all looking forward to read the first chapter.


Predicting the Future - Four Tips to Hone Your Intuitive Skills

by Bruno Deshayes on 23 Mar 2017 permalink
Some people look at the sky one evening and they can tell you exactly whether it will rain tomorrow... can this be done about the economy or politics? Maybe - but not by staring at the sky...

Nobody is left who lived between the two World Wars to relate to us what it was like and what were the signs approaching...

The Great Depression of the 1920s lasted over ten years and was followed by the rise to power of Adolf Hitler in Nazi Germany. If history has the habit of repeating itself this current recession could well last another 5 or 10 years and usher the rise to power of the antichrist - the champion of globalisation, dividing the planet into ten regions under the umbrella of a revamped UN mashed European Union and combining all religions into one. It doesn't take a genius to see it is just around the corner.

So what would constitute four easy pointers to watch for?

Globalisation: Every time an industry is uprooted by unfair foreign competition we lose a piece of our independence. Every time we give up something as a nation we were quite capable of doing ourselves we become enslaved to global trade for our sustenance. Nations are being robbed of their identity. When elections worldwide turn into a popularity contest you can see how people are eagerly waiting for some charismatic figure with a compelling propaganda to make the great deal of the century (a 7 years peace treaty between Israel and its neighbours...)

Political correctness. Unnatural ideas are being pushed onto people under the guise of "tolerance" and "diversity" and "equal rights". New mumbo jumbo words are being coined to labels things we do not understand nor can control. Carbon footprint, bio-diversity, global warming are terms that were unheard of 10 years ago.

Collapsing birth rate in the western civilization. Within 20 years the next generation will be missing in action. Governments are panicking that there won't be enough taxpayers to fund all the looming pensions soon due to be paid to people who live longer and longer. Their answer is to open wide the doors to immigration. This creates social and racial unrest as the newcomers do not integrate in the society.

Destruction of the family unit. The divorce rate is so high that an entire generation of children is coming up - not having experienced the loving care of a stable home, and looking up to the role models of a man and woman committed to each other for a lifetime. People will enter adulthood with issues - not the strength to cope with any challenge.

For some good life directions click here


Fools Falling In Love 101

by Bruno Deshayes on 26 Jan 2017 permalink
This is the one event where a man does not try to process a woman with logic. Something just hit him. He has no clue what it is. He suddenly has the sublime intuition that on his own he is lopsided and that with her, he can become complete.

There is a woman-shaped hole in his heart that only the seductress can fill. He will break a path to her door. In Latin countries you are supposed to take a donkey and a guitar and ride under her balcony and serenade her until she nonchalantly drops the perfumed handkerchief that was tucked between her breasts. Never mind the neighbours. In that culture when a man is in love with a woman the whole village knows about it for obvious reasons. Anglo-Saxons on the other hand are supposed to kneel down and propose with a diamond ring. A whole industry has a vested interest in perpetuating that tradition. I suppose if they also hired guitars and donkeys they would have all bases covered...

Courtship is the art of seeking a woman's affection usually with the hope of marriage. Ballroom dancing was invented to teach women how to walk backwards - utterly relying on the lead of the man they would trust for the rest of their life. Without vision mirrors she goes in reverse totally un-phased at how many walls, pillars or other couples they missed in the journey.

Of course dancing can lead to kissing - which is a way to get two people so close to each other that they can't see what's wrong with them!

Some women conceive courtship akin to an obstacle course to test the skills and resolve of the pretender. They include non-verbal clues as a cheat sheet to give unfair advantage to the favourite. Unfortunately some men compute that if a woman can't express herself with words it's probably not worth listening to her...

It is sad to see some people setting themselves as "dating life coach" to take advantage of those on the rejection heap. On the other hand God is the best matchmaker. Those who are in Christ know He has a sense of humour and knows how to get people to cross paths without feeling manipulated. In fact there are scores of testimonies where people relied on God to find their mate - which in turn released God to perfectly answer their prayer.

Falling in love is the most un-foolish thing you can ever do. Making yourself vulnerable and accountable to someone of the opposite sex is the most risky and rewarding decision you will ever make. Many have despised the day their missed to tune-in to the song of their mermaid. Instead of shipwrecking themselves on the island of bliss they sailed on in a dark ocean of loneliness and unfulfilment.


The end is nigh

by Bruno Deshayes on 14 Apr 2016 permalink
It does not take an expert to figure out we have gone past the point of no-return on many fronts: collapsing economy, rampant unemployment, unaffordable housing, aging population, endemic corruption, government gridlock, global warming, epidemics, pollution, sexual abuse, wars, illegal immigration, to name a few.

If God cares about us, why does he allow so much suffering and inequality?

God is going to exact his judgment upon the earth but he also has provided a way of escape for those who love him. This is called the Rapture. The Scripture foretell an event where people who abide in Christ would suddenly vanish and be translated into heaven.

A bit far fetched, you might think? In fact many Christians will miss out because they love their lifestyle more than they love God. There is a movie called "Left Behind" which details this very scenario. Indeed you don't want to be left behind and have to go through the ordeal that is ahead. This is the time to grab a bible and start reading the gospels and the book of revelation.

With a One World Government also comes a One World Currency and a One World Religion. A mighty financial collapse is being engineered through the quantitative easing of the US dollar and now the Euro and a bankrupt Federal Reserve. Use your time left to seek a meaningful relationship with God and His son Jesus Christ whom He sent to reconcile humanity to Himself. A new currency will be ushered - one that prevents identity fraud as everyone will have to take a microchip implant under the skin to buy or sell anything.

One World Religion means the pope is an apostate who has denied Christ long ago and because of that denial a mishmash of religious leaders will have no qualm into forging ahead with a new global religion - we know what that is - the worship of the antichrist.

We are living a unique time in human history - and this calls for a unique response on your part. There have been many warnings before and even scoffers were running "rapture parties" but God will not be mocked. Consider that all the prophecies in the Old Testament of the bible concerning the life, death and resurrection of Christ came to be fulfilled exactly. Now soberly consider that all the prophecies about the second coming of Christ and the tribulation will also come to pass.


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