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Remember to laugh - it's good for you

by Bruno Deshayes on 29 Sep 2016 permalink
What does the wife of a public relation expert say when she cannot sleep at night? "Tell me again darling, just what is it that you do for a living?"

Of course Michael Jackson is alive... I just heard him sing on the radio..

I have been consolidating all my debts. Now each month I just have one bill I cannot pay.

Hey I will be a father in August. I just don't know how to tell my wife.

A PR consultant wants to impress his first client coming to his office by saying on the phone to someone else: "We are so successful I just won't be able to start on your campaign straight away..." then he turns to a young man who walked in the office and asks "What can I do for you?" the young man says "Nothing I'm just here to hook-up your phone!"

Fat? He is so fat when he travels by train he has to buy two tickets.

Fat? He is so fat he bought himself a car with the steering wheel in the middle of the dashboard.

My wife likes fiction rather than non-fiction. So I never tell her the truth.

I really have to acknowledge this about my wife: whenever she's right, she's the first one to admit it.

A tree surgeon recently opened a branch in our neighborhood. The local paper says: "... injured himself critically after falling out of one of his patients."

I was an only child - I learned to play hide and seek with myself.

I'm a free spirit. I have no hang-ups whatsoever!
This explains why my clothes are always on the floor.

Ugly? She's so ugly her licence mentions she can only drive at night.

I was so drunk I fell asleep precisely when my head hit the accelerator.

My wife sometimes runs a garage sale so we can meet with people of similar appalling taste.

Passionate? You can tell how passionate she feels by how she digs her fingernails into my wallet.

The tax system is odd. You pay tax in 2010 on money you earned in 2009... and spent in 2008.

Another thoughtful and inspiring mother's day gift: the ride-on vacuum cleaner.

Poverty: I started out with nothing and I've got most of it left.

Blessed are those who aim for nothing for they shall not be disappointed.

Being caught in traffic: entering a roundabout only to find out all exits have a wrong way sign.

If you haven't got a belly ache by now, here is more of the same:
Laugh on me
Some handy one-liners to entertain your guests
For your health's sake - stay away from hospitals!


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