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Wedding Speech

by Bruno Deshayes on 06 Apr 2017 permalink

I honour you as the next generation. Those of us who have almost ran our race pass the baton over to you and wish you all the very best. It is a courageous thing to get married these days in a world that has clearly lost its marbles - yet you are very wise in making a lifelong commitment to uphold each other and do life together.

Make sure you guard your quality time together and with the Lord. A couple who can worship together at home is a couple who will be able to tune-in to the voice of God. Sometimes the Scriptures alone do not give us a clear path to go to. It is a humbling experience to find that God sometimes chooses to guide you through a picture, a word or a dream given not to you but to your spouse.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment to uphold and build up each other. It is the bedrock of society where we learn management and social skills - where we raise children in an environment of peace, trust and protection giving them both a male and female role model to look up to. No wonder the family is under attack in our society because some minorities are itching to root out Christian values from our institutions while the majority is doing next to nothing to protect them.

Men are blessed with a logical mind and can work tirelessly on a distant lifelong goal like a career, building a house, etc... Women have a great intuition, share their emotions openly and can handle multiple tasks all at the same time. Use those attributes to complement but not to undermine each another. God made each one of us lopsided so that it is only when we come together that we are complete. If you have issues with that - talk to Him. After all He is your Creator.

Do not try to change each other either by brute force or by constant nagging. Instead ask yourself: How can I facilitate my husband to become the man God intended him to be? How can I facilitate my wife to become the woman God intended her to be? Develop the discipline of turning off the TV, the internet and put the phone on hold while you look into each other's soul. There is an intimacy which is not of a sexual kind that you will have to discover and work at. Some old couples are known to be able to sense each other's emotions and opinions without saying a word. Don't wait until you're old to reach that level. When you look into each other's eyes you should be able to agree on your common goals and trust each other enough to leave the fine details to each other's interpretation.

Do not betray each other's privacy by discussing over the phone matters that should remain within the marriage. Make the most of every opportunity to learn together and maintain a teachable spirit. There will be no shortage of untold pressure to test you but as long as you remain together in heart and mind and seek the face of God together He will take you from strength to strength. This is something no-one can teach you. You will have to write your own story for yourselves. We are all looking forward to read the first chapter.


Disrespectful wives and unloving husbands

by Bruno Deshayes on 18 Aug 2016 permalink
People who are in a relationship for themselves find that they are not getting a good deal while those who seek to meet the needs of their partner find out that we are wired quite differently.

For a man the main currency is respect. How can you establish your leadership in the home if your authority is under-valued by no other than the one who should be the president of your fan-club?

For a woman the main currency is love. Not sexual intercourse but a steady stream of non-verbal clues that he cares for you and your well-being is always on his mind. How depressing can it be when he says: "I told you at your birthday that I love you! Why do you need to hear it again constantly?"

"Vive la difference!" God in His infinite wisdom made us complimentary - not similar. So how can you leverage the untapped potential of your marriage? For some unfortunately I should rephrase it as: "How can you pre-empt the next clash and rebuild a better foundation?"

Doing life together is an adventure, a risk, a challenge, a step into the unknown. There are things in life that you will never learn at school, things that your mother never told you about, things that you will have to workout for yourselves.

The one and only question that really matters is this: "Are you committed to make this marriage work?" "Are you in it for the long-haul?" "Are you committed to your mate through hail, rain or shine?"

Unless you are fully committed to each other you have no-where to go together. Once you realise it is more blessed to give than to receive you will learn to trust that your goodwill will not go in vain.

Being just flatmates in the same accommodation is no way to run a marriage. You have to be sold-out on a common goal for the marriage to stick. You can bet your resolve will be tested indeed. You might see a happy couple at a social function but you may not want to swap places because precious little did you know about the ordeal they might have gone through together...

As iron sharpens iron a married couple have to grow-up together. Your whole life together is not meant to be a static experience but an obstacle course where each step makes you more understanding, and may I say more loving and more respectful of each other.

The bottom line is this: If you value somebody so much that you have made the commitment to share your lives together then it stands to reason that you would refrain from doing the things that person dislikes and endeavour to figure out how to do perfectly the things that person enjoys from you.

Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs


Loving my enemies up close

by Bruno Deshayes on 17 Mar 2016 permalink
I thought I was doing fine loving my enemies from a distance. Then it occurred to me I had also to love them up close as well.

I had forgiven my ex-wife for breaking her marriage vows and I assumed the matter was closed and it was all water under the bridge. Well not quite. The litmus test was when I was asked to perform my father's duties at my daughter's wedding. I declined with the lame excuse that it would be a parody of the institution of marriage. To witness my daughter's vows with the presence of the one who broke her marriage vows with me and had replaced me with another man even though I am still alive was more than I could bear.

This was all playing in my mind six months before the due date. All sorts of emotions battled in my head so much so that I could not put the matter to rest.

Forgiving is not a feeling - it is a deliberate choice of the heart. It does not make any sense as you try to reason out your self-interest. The circuit breaker for me was when I was convicted of harbouring a root of bitterness. I suffered a compound trauma when I lost my business, my house, my marriage and my children all within one year. Emotionally I had to disconnect all those issues. If I had been the perfect husband I suppose my wife would have had no reason to leave. So there were faults on both sides.

I assumed that if we paid our tithes regularly we would be shielded from financial hardship. It wasn't to be so. I assumed that if I delivered the best product I could engineer God would take care of the marketing for me. It wasn't to be so. I assumed that if we gave our children a Christian education they would not rebel against their parents. Sweet illusion...

If truly I am a survivor of chronic unemployment, divorce and homelessness then I have to behave in a way where those hardships do not block the love of Christ flowing out through me.

I suddenly realised my bitterness regarding the raw deal I got out of life betrayed my Christian witness. I promptly picked up the phone and announced to my daughter that I would attend her wedding, walk down the aisle with her and deliver a speech. What a watershed moment! It was not about my misguided feelings. No, it was all about my daughter's big day and I wanted to make sure I wasn't the one to spoil it.

Adrian McCabe says:
Thank you Bruno, what a great blog from the heart, and challenging to us to love without conditions. God bless, Adrian

Robert Walker says:
Bruno, thanks for being so open. Your story and decisions are very inspiring and encouraging for my walk with Jesus.

Peter DUNN says:
A great bit of sharing to go on your blog, Bruno. Thank you for passing it on. Yes, 2 Cor 1:3-7 confirms it, also 3 John 2. Love always in Jesus. Peter

Chris Harvey says:
This is great stuff. This story of yours was very personal and redemptive. If your can blog your journey as you have here, many will be encouraged


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