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No cause for conCERN

by Bruno Deshayes on 02 Mar 2017 permalink
I was driving to my next appointment when suddenly my car fell into a sinkhole in the middle of the road. Instantly I was thrusted into an alternate dimension.

I saw a nutrino playing with a bambino. They were protons whizzing by at the speed of light.
I saw a quark playing hide and seek with the elusive Higgs-boson. It had disappeared into a blackhole but you could still hear the antimatter heaving like a panting runner.

There were Pterodactyls, Pteranodons & other flying dinosaurs.

I saw Dr Felps’ Cyclotron spewing out nano particles from its brass horn. They looked like M&Ms with many bright colours. A fat graviton passed by, mustering them all into its field of attraction. When they came close enough he gulped them all in one fell swoop and then emitted the most obscene burp.

Several electrons were having a spat - firing lightening bolts at each other. A sticky gluon was spreading its tentacles trying to grasp the innocent bambinos. As we passed through yet another ring magnet we got a jolt of acceleration and were all squished into a tiny space.

Then we passed in front of a massive window. On the other side were scores of scientists wearing white gowns and dark rimmed spectacles. Some were looking straight at us. Others were sitting at some computers in the background - all engrossed in their experiments. One had dismantled a microwave oven and was playing with the magnetron inside. But because it wasn't an enclosed area anymore the popcorn wouldn't pop. It was a breach of protocol and he was promptly escorted out by security agents wearing hazmat suits. On the wall was a chart of the Standard Model and you were summoned to state which particle you were. I passed myself off as an x-moron.

Back in my tunnel I saw a photon holding up high a 7 branch candelabra. There was a procession under way. I heard the music of wind chimes and suddenly I was sucked into a wormhole at an amazing speed. This shaft of dazzling bright light was pulling me upward with an incredible strength. Then my vision blurred and when I regained consciousness I was at my destination. All I had to do was to reverse into my favourite parking spot. I looked at my watch. I had arrived actually half an hour before the time of my departure.



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Bruno Deshayes

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